Long distance relationships are fair

25 01 2013

Yes.

Long distance relationships are fair. You know, I am always looking for the bright side, and just found out that my long distance relationship is fair enough. I mean, there is no way to generalize, I know it is arguable.

I was thinking today about how lucky I am. I finally found a job that I like, that I enjoy, and that I am starting to love. I will make sure I write about it later on, because it is definitely worth to talk about. Also, I have found my family to be great! My mom loveeees taking care of me, she really does. She cooks for me all the time! And my dad is always there whenever I want to talk to someone. My sister is just amazing, she will always be my best friend, and my brother… Well, that is another story.

So, I got a good job, my family is great, and the best thing out of all, is that my love and I finally met each other. Our second year anniversary was a couple of days ago, and I could not be happier about it.

You know, you cannot have it all. It is important to have a balance on everything. We see it on nature the whole time. You just have to go outside to see it by yourself. There is no too much green on a tree, you will see different shades, and even other colours like gray, or yellow. You wont always see the sky completely clear, there is a sun up there, and clouds, and if you are lucky enough you will see birds flying around.

All I am saying is that anything is perfect to our eyes, but in the end, everything IS perfect. Everything works the way it is supposed to work, and by that, I am not saying we have to accept whatever happens around. What I am saying is that everything has its own balance, that might be hard to understand sometimes, but nature is never mistaken, nature just reacts according to the circumstances, and that is just… beautiful.

It is like a machine, time and space are just you know, they are just tools. Tools that are used to perform situations and action.

All I am saying is that it is okay… It is okay. It is okay if the love of my life is a thousand miles away from me. It is okay to be so far. It is okay if I cannot kiss you anytime that I want. It is okay, because it all works. Things will always work.

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Back and forth

23 01 2013

Yup, I am never completely away.

It is so funny to come back, and read old posts. I think I will never get enough of that. Today, I was even looking at the drafts that were never published, and it just made me think. Think of how much I have changed… Blah, blah, blah…

The real intention of this post, is to say that I am always around! If you want to write comments, ask questions, suggest topics to talk about, I am more than happy to participate on that! I have been really surprised that lately, a couple of people have come, and read old posts, and it makes me really happy to know that all my nonsense is something you enjoy reading, and hopefully something that you can learn a little bit from.

Just let me know, alright?





I could wait forever

10 10 2012

I could wait forever… Really, there is nobody in this world that bring me more joy than you. I could wait till I get old, and by then, I will be all I want to be for you, by then, I will show you the world, and by then, I will show you my company, and my joy. 

 

By then, when I get old, we both will be old, and that will be just fine. Because there is nobody in this world I can love more, nobody in this world I want to kiss before go to work, there is nobody in this world I want to go beyond. 





BAMB!

10 10 2012

Bamb! There it is, that tiny thin inside you core that just does not fit. There it is, whatever moves around as smooth as the background music. Bamb! There it is to remind you there is something you still gotta work on. 

All I wonder is, what the hell is it? I feel sorry because I do not know what it is, so I have not been able to really work on it. It is a shame not to know, and to know at the same time. 

 

There it is, and you feel it because you feel outside your body, like if you were not being yourself. You feel like there is something inside that cracks everytime you want to keep moving on. 

 

I thik that what Sócrates meant when he said: “this is too complicated, and life is too short” was that we should pay attention to those little things, because probably we wont ever totally understand them. Probably what he want was that we should live the life, and enjoy it as it is too short it can go anytime, anywhere. The art of forget is something it is hard for everyone. 

 

The art of forget when we are hurt, when they do wrong to you, when they laugh at you, when they just shows indifference towards you… That you cannot foget, but it is exactly that what you should forget. That is not real in the end… What you feel after that is not real either.. Choose your feelings, choose  the ones you want to stay with. 





Avoid

3 08 2011

I think I am going to throw up… Ive just gotten sick. Physically sick.

There are a couple of things that should be avoided. Should be avoided no matter what. They should be avoided like a morar principle, like a life condition. There are a couple of things that should not be done. They should not be done because they cause pain. Inevitable pain. There are things for sure that can be avoided.

Painful things that hurt. There are painful things that should not be done, because you know that if you do it, you are going to cause inevitable pain to the ones you love. But like the song says: What would you do, if you were me? when it is suicide to stay, and murder to leave.

What would you do?

– All I know is that there are some things that can be avoided.





It is all about love

21 07 2011

No quiero olvidar que esta bien el sentirse vulnerable. No quiero olvidar que esta bien sentirse mal. No quiero olvidar que soy humana, y que a veces me siento sola.

Me siento sola. Me veo a mi misma y me siento sola a veces. Sola  cuando no hago cosas. Sola cuando no trabajo, cuando no hago algo significativo para mi vida. Sola cuando te extraño.

No quiero olvidar que esta bien sentir cosas malas. Esta bien saber que yo todavía siento esas cosas. A pesar de mis esfuerzos constantes de querer evaporar sentimientos negativos. Por que son negativos, y duelen. Me duele adentro. Me duelen los viejos amores. Me duelen las amistades olvidadas. Me duele. Me da nostalgia y siento que algo no esta bien.

Sin embargo. Entiendo. Entiendo muchas cosas como consecuencias de mis propios actos. Consecuencias de mi falta de sensibilidad, o mi exceso de sensibilidad. Pero no busco una forma de remediar las cosas. Porque cada paso que dí, cada palabra que dije, cada sueño que proclamé, cada destello de amor que entregué, todas esas cosas las hize por convicción.

Y estando aca, me pongo a pensar en metas y en propósitos. Y estoy un poco cansada de esperar. De esperar a que la vida me abra nuevamente las puertas. No tiene sentido seguir tocando como loca a puertas y ventanas. He aprendido que las cosas se dan en los momentos justos. Vaya que lo he aprendido. Y estoy esperando consientemente a que sea mi turno de brillar.

Quiero quedarme con los sentimientos reales. Quiero que los sentimientos positivos sean los reales. Que se impregnen en mi psiquis y que me ayuden a ser felíz. Quiero reconocer y aceptar los sentimientos que no son reales. Quiero reconcer los celos, la ira, la soledad, la tristeza, la malicia, las mentiras, es desconfort, la tristeza… El miedo, la desconfianza. Quiero reconocer todos esos sentimientos, y enfrentarlos.

Wanna break them all down, wanna hack myself and deeply understand them all. Wanna stick with what is real. Wanna stick with love, compassion, care, learning, sweetness… Inspiration, friendship, pureness, joy, laugh, and love. Wanna wrap myself around your core… Wanna wrap myself around your soul. I want love to guide my life. I want compassion to lead my way. I want God to give me the strength. I want to listen to my Mom the same way she does. I wanna see my dad the same way he does. I wanna embrace the love my siblings give to me, the same way they embrace mine. I wanna be able to see love as it is. I wanna love my enemies, and protect them from any harm. I wanna be pure enough to accept what I cannot change. I wanna be pure enough to be honest to my feelings. I wanna be pure enough to care only but only about love.

I wanna be vulnerable. I wanna speak out with my whole heart. I wanna feel out with my whole heart. I want a pure heart.





He crecido: soy la misma, pero evolucionada.

5 07 2011

Sigo siendo la misma. Me llamo Jennifer Coreas y soy de El Salvador. Este blog lo comencé a escribir cuando tenía como 15 años. Ahora tengo 20. Hace cinco años que he venido escribiendo y narrando mi vida. Exponiendo mi percepción de las cosas, explicando mi manera de pensar. Y ahora que regreso y leo todos esos posts, me siendo agradecida.

Agradecida porque con cada post, se iba agregando un peldaño más a mi madurez/ crecimiento. A estas alturas, he hecho tantas cosas. He aprendido tanto. Sin embargo, estoy frente a la misma computadora, estoy en la misma casa, con el mismo cabello ondulado, y los mismos ojos que anhelan el llanto.

Este año, este día, sonrió. Porque la vida me ha bendecido con el grato sentimiento de paz. La vida me ha guiado a este dulce estado. Y es porque he aprendido cosas, es porque he conocido personas, es porque me siento especial, es porque me he enamorado. Me enamoré de una persona esplendida, que complementa cada uno de mis sentidos. Una persona que me hace que nazca en mí, una felicidad constante. Y agradezco el haberle encontrado.

Después de cinco años, sigo siendo la misma, pero evolucionada. Ahora fumo ocasionalmente, hago ejercicio todas las mañanas, pinto cuando me dan ganas, leo un libro por las tardes, escribo cosas académicas, voy a más eventos culturales, me baño dos veces al día, medito cuando me dan ganas, hago respiraciones casi todas las  noches, me lavo los dientes tres veces al día, no tomo soda, trato de ser menos consumista, me gusta el Wishky, el gin, el ron, y the little penguin wine, mi inglés es más fluido, y me gusta la fibra con avena.

Soy la misma, pero evolucionada.